The Real Jeff Orr, is the human rooster

Something strange has been happening to me every day for the past two months. I've been waking up at 8 in the morning...every day...without the use of an alarm clock. It doesn't matter what time I go to sleep, 11pm...3am...I'll be waking up within 3 minutes of 8 the morning. Maybe it's my mutant power starting to manifest. Only instead of some wicked power like gravity manipulation or lazer-face, I get this weak ass rooster based ability of always waking up at the same time.

The Real Jeff Orr, smokes two wild fires in the morning

So there were two things this post could have been about: The massive amount of smoke given off by the fires, or the new FISA bill the Senate just passed. Rumor has it the fires could be put out as soon as we start to get some rain (i.e. October) but it looks like the massive shit the FISA bill took on the Constitution's going to create a pretty deep stain that's gonna be there for a while. So I'm going with the topic that's effects me most in the short term.

Other than a few days of clear sky around the 4th of July, Chico's been incredibly smokey since late June. Ash was drifting down from the sky on Tuesday, the sky is an eery orange color, and douchebags ride their bikes/jog with masks on.


This was taken today, the forecast called for completely clear skies...so that's pretty much all smoke.

Sometimes it's so bad that 80% of the people drive with their headlights on. The other 20% are the folks who only begrudgingly turn their headlights on after official sunset...no matter what the outside environment may be like...smoke, heavy rain, or Steven King's horrifying mists.

There are two upsides though. The smoke does cut into the extreme heat. What should have been 110 degree temperatures were only 100...with a nice cool 72 degree low coming sometime around 5 in the morning. The other upside is that Superman can't control us with his super-fascism because we no longer have a yellow sun for him to draw power from. That shit is redder than Jan Fonda.

The real Jeff Orr, bitches about crappy design part 2

Ok, this one's been bugging me ever since some out-of-town-goober almost ran into me by turning the wrong way onto 9th st (a one way for all you non-goober out-of-towners). Whoever designed the "One Way" street sign must have been coming up on a deadline after a month long bender in some liquor soaked town without any one-way streets. Sweating the loss of his job and his sole source of booze money he drew an arrow around the words "One Way" and slammed it on his manager's desk.

"Hmm...so the arrow could just be reversed if the road is going the other way?" asked his boss.

"Ummm...I guess so...?" replies the designer, his mind thick with the congealed residue of God knows what hallucinogens.

And this is how we're left with the wussiest road sign ever conceived. Black and white and wholly unobtrusive. A sign that should be screaming, "HEY! ASSHOLE! THE CARS ON THIS ROAD ARE ALL TRAVELING THE SAME WAY! IF YOU TURN RIGHT/LEFT YOU'LL DIE IN A FIERY CAR CRASH AND YOUR FRIENDS AREN'T EVEN HERE TO FILM IT AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!!" Instead the sign just kind of mumbles when nobodies paying attention, "Hey, I think I heard that this is a one way road...so you might not want to...you're not listening...oh well..."

The placement of these signs is always really shitty as well. They're always placed out of the way, where nobody who's doing anything important while driving (i.e. anything other than pay attention to shitty street signs) will ever see them in the first place. This combined with its complete lack of self confidence as a sign leads me to believe that the One Way sign is the awkward kid that nobody wants to hang out with in the street sign world. They invite him to parties because they know he won't drink and can be suckered into giving everyone a ride home.

*note: The Stop sign is telling some lame Jay Leno joke and the Yield sign is laughing because he's a suck-up


So this is the part of these posts where I make some suggestions on how to improve the design. Honestly the One Way sign just needs a way to make people pay attention to it. So I'd probably just add a rockin pair of tits to the bottom.

The Real Jeff Orr, won't give in to monopoly so easily

A little background info:

I recently moved into my new thoroughly radical house. This new house has one drawback...my xbox is now about 50 feet away from our router instead of the 3 feet it was in my old place. This is a problem because; a)there's some choice new songs to download for Rockband from the Pixies (the entire Doolittle album) and Weezer (the two decent songs and one awesome song from their new record) b)Microsoft, in all their wisdom, decided to build a console that doesn't have wifi support out of the box, and c)I don't want to run an ugly ass ethernet cable across our living room, dining room and half my bedroom.

Luckily the fine folks at Microsoft provided a solution with the "Xbox Wireless Network Adaptor". I thought that this thing would be about $20-$30, a little pricey for my tastes bu still worth it. Imagine my surprise when I went to Best Buy and discovered that my estimate was about $80 short. That's right, the only thing that will connect my $350 xbox wirelessly to the internet is a $100 piece of plastic and circuitry. "Man...fuck that shit," I mumbled as I walked out the door.

Well, unfortunately for Microsoft, this isn't the only way to connect your xbox to wireless router dozens of feet away. Turns out you can hook your computer up to your xbox with an ethernet cable, change a few network settings, and bam! you've just turned your computer into a "wireless network adaptor" for your xbox. Sure you have to turn you computer on every time you want to go online with your xbox, but it's definitely worth it.

This is a prime example that even though you have a monopoly, you can't just charge anything you want. If that adaptor had run $30 I would have bought it after a bit of hemming and/or hawing and I'm sure Microsoft would have made a bit of profit. Instead they drove me to look for alternate solutions and made zero profit.

So if anyone wants to come over and play some Rock Band my new place has a pretty sweet setup for it. I'll even let you try to sing Debaser if you want.


Post Script
Alternate titles for this post:
The Real Jeff Orr, is un un chien andalusia
The Real Jeff Orr, is the greatest man who ever lived

The Real Jeff Orr, laughs at change

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds the Utah State Quarter to be incredibly phallic and therefor extremely hilarious.

The Real Jeff Orr,moves to a new place

Status update!

It's that time of the year again. I'm moving! So I've kept my streak of moving to a new place once a year alive. This year I had to move because my landlord decided that he wants to make some major renovations to the house, so he didn't offer to renew my lease. My new place is this huge 7 bedroom house on Hobart between 1st and 2nd ave. I'll post some pictures of my room soon because it's pretty much the most awesome room I've ever lived in. It's about 25' by 15', it's split level (you walk in on a smaller landing then walk down three stairs to the other part of the room) and it has it's own sink and shower...in the room! The house itself has a nice porch, huge bakyard with a treehouse, 2 kitchens, and around three living-roomish type rooms.

Now that I've got such a big room I'm in need of some stuff to fill up the space. I'm saving up some money for a trip to Ikea in the coming months...there's a bookcase named Billy that I'd like to take home. Also, one of these would really make the room complete.

In non-moving-related news, I'm coming down to Camarillo for a few days. I'll be flying down Friday (the 20th) morning. Then my aunt's having some big party Saturday with a steel drum band and margarita bar and all kinds of fun shit...hit me up if you want an invite to this very exclusive event. I'm flying back on Monday so I won't really have much time to hang out.

Weezer just came out with a new album and dispite a couple noteable songs it's more or less a major dissa...well...I guess it's not technically a dissapointment when you weren't really expecting much.

The Real Jeff Orr, does a favor for a friend

So my friend Katie is in Thailand. I guess she's having some trouble posting pictures, so she sent me a couple of pictures and captions and asked me to post them. I gladly oblige.

On last Sunday we got to play with some baby elephants...they were a lot smaller than I thought they would be...

After the elephants we went to a place that lets you play with baby tigers. They were delicious.