The real Jeff Orr, bitches about crappy design part 2

Ok, this one's been bugging me ever since some out-of-town-goober almost ran into me by turning the wrong way onto 9th st (a one way for all you non-goober out-of-towners). Whoever designed the "One Way" street sign must have been coming up on a deadline after a month long bender in some liquor soaked town without any one-way streets. Sweating the loss of his job and his sole source of booze money he drew an arrow around the words "One Way" and slammed it on his manager's desk.

"Hmm...so the arrow could just be reversed if the road is going the other way?" asked his boss.

"Ummm...I guess so...?" replies the designer, his mind thick with the congealed residue of God knows what hallucinogens.

And this is how we're left with the wussiest road sign ever conceived. Black and white and wholly unobtrusive. A sign that should be screaming, "HEY! ASSHOLE! THE CARS ON THIS ROAD ARE ALL TRAVELING THE SAME WAY! IF YOU TURN RIGHT/LEFT YOU'LL DIE IN A FIERY CAR CRASH AND YOUR FRIENDS AREN'T EVEN HERE TO FILM IT AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!!" Instead the sign just kind of mumbles when nobodies paying attention, "Hey, I think I heard that this is a one way road...so you might not want to...you're not listening...oh well..."

The placement of these signs is always really shitty as well. They're always placed out of the way, where nobody who's doing anything important while driving (i.e. anything other than pay attention to shitty street signs) will ever see them in the first place. This combined with its complete lack of self confidence as a sign leads me to believe that the One Way sign is the awkward kid that nobody wants to hang out with in the street sign world. They invite him to parties because they know he won't drink and can be suckered into giving everyone a ride home.

*note: The Stop sign is telling some lame Jay Leno joke and the Yield sign is laughing because he's a suck-up


So this is the part of these posts where I make some suggestions on how to improve the design. Honestly the One Way sign just needs a way to make people pay attention to it. So I'd probably just add a rockin pair of tits to the bottom.

The Real Jeff Orr, goes on vacation, step 2: The Flight

So I'm posting this from Mikey's place in Japan, it's about 9am here and Pat and Mikey are srill asleep...the O'Riley clan are know for their prodigious ability to slumber...conversely, the Orr's are relatively early risers.

Getting to Japan was pretty fun but I'm sure you don't really want to read all the hairy details about the plane ride so I'll bust it down into a few bullet points.

• Pat and I didn't actually have an actual ticket for any actual flight
• Pat's mom worked for American Airlines for years so we were on some "no-res" list or whatever Pat calls it
• This means we get to take whatever seats are left over for as cheap as free.
• We had to fly to Texas first because there weren't any seats left on CA to JP flights.
• Two planes leaving to TX at the same time, we would be #s 17 and 18 on either flight's stand by list
• Pat and I choose the correct flight and are rewarded with literally the last two seats on the flight
• The fact that these two seats were next to each other was merely an omen of the fortuitous road ahead
• Five hour lay-over in TX
• Plane isn't nearly as full
• Pat somehow manages to snag us the last two first class seats on the plane

I'll probably post again in a day or so with a shit ton of pictures. We're in the Asakusa neighborhood, so if you know anything around here that we have to try then let me know.

The Real Jeff Orr, an introduction

What's the deal with "the real Jeff Orr"?

For years I had blissfully walked through life without even the slightest notion that this seemingly bright and clear world could hold vile beings in its dark and murky depths. Then, in high school, I started to get a feeling that something was amiss. I heard rumors of another boy, one year older than me, who "looked just like" me. I never actually met this wraith face to face, but numerous people informed me of his existence. Somewhat perplexed, I devoted some free time to exploring the circumstances that could create "another me". Through the years I studied the sciences that are only discussed in the fringes of society and I've developed a number of theories. I'll save those for a later date, for this is simply a brief overview of my experiences with fake Jeff Orr's.

The high school dopple ganger never really caused me any serious inconvenience and after a few years my interest in alternate Jeff Orr's started to wane. That is, until my sophomore year in college. Creating a personal website was all the rage in my circle of friends and after the success of devlindonnelly.com (now defunct) and curtbanner.com I decided to join the scene. However, I soon realized that jefforr.com was in use, by a man proclaiming to be me! Not only was this impostor using my name to further his lot in life, he was using the website to promote his wedding! I feel a great deal of sorrow for the young lady, for she no doubt believed she was marrying the real deal. Not only was this thing using my domain name, but he sat on it for years. Long after his sham of a wedding his site still existed, announcing a wedding that was now only available to time travelers.

Months ago I received a friend request on the highly acclaimed social networking site Myspace. It was from none other than Jeff Orr. At first I was a little put off at the thought of being "friends" with a fake me. Then I came to the realization that he was a musical artist. Things were starting to look better, perhaps there were people out there doing cool things under my name. But my hopes were quickly dashed against the jagged shores of reality. This musician Jeff Orr was of the worst variety, he was a middle-age-still-trying-to-look-hip-douchey-wuss-christian-rock-musician. He has also taken over jefforr.com. Visit the site if you want to feel some of my hate radiating through the internet. I have more to say on the subject of this, my most hated duplicate, but I shall save it for a later post.

After the "rock star" (quotation marks denote irony, not an actual quotation) Jeff Orr incident I decided that I could not take this in passivity. I must act fast and let the world know that I am the real Jeff Orr. I'll be using this web-log to inform the world of my many theories on the subject (which include multiple varieties of time travel, cloning, alternate spatial dimensions, and the awesome paradox). This site will also chronicle my existence so that the world may bear witness to the actions of the one true Jeff Orr.

Until my next electronic communique,
I remain,
The Real Jeff Orr