Whoever is in charge of marketing corn these days is a fucking genius. There are food riots taking place in parts of the world and we've been convinced that using the shit to fuel our cars is a great idea. Now we've even got corn based "plastic" cups that are biodegradable, which I admit is pretty cool. The fine people behind corn seem to have fully jumped aboard this whole green-washing fad that's swept through our culture. It seems like every company is presenting itself as "eco-friendly"... no matter how ridiculously impossible it might seem...
But the grand prize definitely goes to corn. Today at work I saw a product that boggles the fucking mind. Socks...made out of corn. Touted as, "biodegradable" and made from, "100% renewable resources". Finally I can stop wearing these socks that are destroying America's old-growth cotton forests! Has this whole green revolution really made us this retarded? When canned pancakes can be marketed as "organic" then the answer is one fat nondegradable yes.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
The Real Jeff Orr, continues his replica-ruminations
If you haven't already then you'll want to go read my first post before continuing.
Over the past few years I've often pondered the reasons for the existence of multiple "Jeff Orrs". Be they impostors who merely wish to use my name to profit from my prolific reputation, or dopplegangers whom I've never met but am assured "look just like me." This posting shall concern itself with the later and more mysterious of the two.
Theories as to how these beings could possibly exist fill my mind in much the same way nitrogen, the unsung hero of the stratos, fills the atmosphere of our lovely blue-green orb. My most recent theory has roots stretching back to 2004, when a few dear friends of mine sagely recommended a novel that would alter my perception of reality.
Flatland, the 1884 masterpiece of Edwin A. Abbot, follows the life of a simple square living in the second spatial dimension. The first half of the book has our quadrilateral narrator explaining the workings of a two dimensional world. In the second portion of the book our friendly square is visited by a sphere from the third dimension. Of course our square is trapped in a dimensionally lacking existence and only perceives the sphere as a circle the expands and contrasts as it passes through his plane of perception. I shan't bore you with any more of the books details as this may detract from your own enjoyment of the work, plus I really should be moving on with this entry.
Needless to say the book sparked an interest in extra spacial dimensions beyond our paltry three. I came to the realization that whoever first claimed time to be the fourth dimension must have been under the influence of marijuana cigarettes. One might as well claim the fourth dimension to be a tuna sandwich.
My theory is that extra spacial dimensions exist and that I am merely part of a multi dimensional being existing across the entire spectrum. The Jeff Orr that you usually interact with is the one rooted in the third dimension. The other "Jeff Orrs" that I've been told of are parts of my being that exist beyond our perception and are simply "passing through" our reality, much in the same way we pass through the reality of two dimensional beings from time to time. This is why other "Jeff Orrs" are always seen in close proximity to myself and always "look just like me".
I rather enjoy this theory, as it doesn't imply anything villainous about these other versions of myself, they are merely part of the nature of my being. However, I'm afraid that this is one the more benign theories I have on the subject and from here on out things will only get more sinister.
-Trans-dimensionally yours,
The Real Jeff Orr
Over the past few years I've often pondered the reasons for the existence of multiple "Jeff Orrs". Be they impostors who merely wish to use my name to profit from my prolific reputation, or dopplegangers whom I've never met but am assured "look just like me." This posting shall concern itself with the later and more mysterious of the two.
Theories as to how these beings could possibly exist fill my mind in much the same way nitrogen, the unsung hero of the stratos, fills the atmosphere of our lovely blue-green orb. My most recent theory has roots stretching back to 2004, when a few dear friends of mine sagely recommended a novel that would alter my perception of reality.
Flatland, the 1884 masterpiece of Edwin A. Abbot, follows the life of a simple square living in the second spatial dimension. The first half of the book has our quadrilateral narrator explaining the workings of a two dimensional world. In the second portion of the book our friendly square is visited by a sphere from the third dimension. Of course our square is trapped in a dimensionally lacking existence and only perceives the sphere as a circle the expands and contrasts as it passes through his plane of perception. I shan't bore you with any more of the books details as this may detract from your own enjoyment of the work, plus I really should be moving on with this entry.
Needless to say the book sparked an interest in extra spacial dimensions beyond our paltry three. I came to the realization that whoever first claimed time to be the fourth dimension must have been under the influence of marijuana cigarettes. One might as well claim the fourth dimension to be a tuna sandwich.
My theory is that extra spacial dimensions exist and that I am merely part of a multi dimensional being existing across the entire spectrum. The Jeff Orr that you usually interact with is the one rooted in the third dimension. The other "Jeff Orrs" that I've been told of are parts of my being that exist beyond our perception and are simply "passing through" our reality, much in the same way we pass through the reality of two dimensional beings from time to time. This is why other "Jeff Orrs" are always seen in close proximity to myself and always "look just like me".
I rather enjoy this theory, as it doesn't imply anything villainous about these other versions of myself, they are merely part of the nature of my being. However, I'm afraid that this is one the more benign theories I have on the subject and from here on out things will only get more sinister.
-Trans-dimensionally yours,
The Real Jeff Orr
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